My journal.

.

2006-08-31T20:40:45Z

journal entry.

Sunset

2006-04-17T19:04:41Z

Dawn

2006-03-31T05:17:01Z

The other day I was running around the woods. It was the first time since winter it had been warm enough for a single layer. The sun was out and it was as if I hadn't felt the sun before, not like that. It was new, a new experience. As if I had just been born.

draugen @ 2006-03-30T23:47:00

2006-03-31T04:48:22Z

It's a beautiful thing when your friend calls you up early in the morning and thanks you for beating up their son. Apparently, he's been going on about how quickly I kicked his ass, and how I'm only so and so pounds, and begging them to get him into martial arts now. He's pretty tough and bigger than me. My friend always wanted his sons to get into martial arts, so he was like "you gave him wings!"... or something like that... and was really happy about it. We were just messing around, but he had all these bruises and was pumped about it. That's one of the best things I can think of doing for someone, so I was really quite happy about that.

Quiet

2006-03-27T02:11:39Z

I....have found myself taking notice of when I say "I", or "me"....I I I... me me me... Whenever my ego begins to seep out, interest in myself, talking about myself, making sure I'm talking about myself 'for a reason', and that it is not ego talking....however harmless it may seem when we all do it. I suppose I just want to notice.

I went to a party last night. Everyone was wasted, and it was continuously noted that I was "quiet". No one hears you in that state anyway. Quiet is my drug of choice. It's hardcore and the high is immense.

It feels like a dream when you are so out of place. And more and more places, are like that. But dreams are interesting to watch. So I watch.

A friend told me his wife left him recently (but has since come back). Purposely not wanting to tell me, thinking I might think less of him.... However when we had spoken on the phone I clearly remember a strong thought image, wondering if maybe his wife left him. There was no talk of anything like that, but after we got off the phone I wondered. Shrugging it off, not thinking much of it. And we didn't speak for a little while after that.

New Earring

2006-03-21T17:40:38Z

Ma'am

2006-03-21T03:10:24Z

Some woman called me ma'am tonight. I haven't heard that in a while...

Closing

2006-03-15T20:04:34Z

I think it is finally over... This morning made it very clear. Nothing ends. Just change. Fear is like hatred. It can cause a person to decieve you....or to harm you. Jennifer, I hope you find your self.

This year is going to be very different. I've known that for a long time. Different things are settling now, closing....starting... Next comes the new. It's not hard to predict the future.

I learned a very valuable lesson about material things recently. It's not the thing. It's what I wanted it for. Will it do that? If I am spending too much time trying to get the type I have set my sights on, I'm not doing what I wanted it for in the first place. Get it done so you can do what you originally wanted the way you wanted. It doesn't have to be 'that' pair of pants, or 'that' earring....the important thing is that it creates the kind of feeling I was looking for.

Bagua class has been on hold while I make these changes, because it is such a distance to travel. I still pay for classes. The real class isn't a place. I will work that out in time.

Nature of business

2006-03-11T18:40:31Z

"Hmmmm...but who's to judge whether a business should be put out of business or not? Because, ........, I'm sure there are those people who want them to stay."

Sure, it's a good question. Some wanted Hitler to stay too, but others were treated very poorly. If a problem were to arise that's when they would see the whole of what they are dealing with.

A business can't send something, to only some of the people that pay them for it. Otherwise, the natural next step is for the element that it irritated to uprise and overthrow it, while the other elements would not have been given enough energy/motivation to get involved and protect it.

Tonight

2006-03-11T07:24:29Z

I'll tell you another day.

six string switchblade

2006-03-07T19:02:18Z

I pulled out my guitars last night. I can still play.

Today I found the cables and a tuner. My beloved metal pedal is still missing. I have no idea where I put that....not somewhere I would find it of course. No too easy.

She's slouching. Don't slouch.

Movie

2006-02-27T20:08:43Z

Fearless

and...
Ultraviolet

draugen @ 2006-02-27T05:22:00

2006-02-27T10:23:01Z

(Sunday morning) This morning as I was laying in bed after waking, a point on the bottom rear of both of my feet began to tingle.

Evil

2006-02-25T18:22:15Z

I dreamt I was being chased out of a warehouse by a mysterious undead evil. It moved slowly. I was climbing a shelf to get a scary halloween mask when it came. Outside the front was loaded with bicycles, cars, and custom latino chopper-style mopeds. Under one of them was a pimped out gun loaded with one bullet, which I shot to test if the gun worked. I walked around with the empty gun to see if there was a motorcycle I could take. That is all I remember.

draugen @ 2006-02-25T10:59:00

2006-02-25T16:19:48Z

One day Yin said to Yang, "I am jealous of you. You have so much, and I have nothing.".

To which Yang replied surprised, "I am jealous of you, because you have a better view than me!"

draugen @ 2006-02-23T12:00:00

2006-02-24T20:06:16Z

Today I kick my butt in gear.

draugen @ 2006-02-19T18:37:00

2006-02-20T02:39:32Z

Life is a state of mind.

I'm thinking about checking out courses at the college....maybe start looking at a new language. Any more than that and I could be asking for trouble, overloading my head with things I won't use. There are no sex ed, sparring club, asian architecture, weapons training, or health courses....so that leaves French. College academics is kind of dull huh?

After seeing Freedomland last night, I almost feel like getting involved in helping people....really changing them, with martial arts. It helped me see a few things I may not have seen before. Maybe there is a course to help with that. I think there is a certain image associated with martial arts. We see tradition, fighting, atheletics, and some discipline. Maybe the name sometimes does it harm. The name itself is not easily understood. It's also a term that has been translated from other languages which may have more apparent meaning in them. The term dojo is still used, but unless you're Japanese it's a 'school'. It does not mean school. It literally means "Way place". That is like saying it is a place of wisdom and God. The Way to them should mean it is the Tao, God, Allah, the everything, the way of all things.

But before that, there were the Chinese. Chinese has a number of names, some of which are kind of uninformative, but one of them translated into "to stop the fighting", which makes even more sense when you think about where it came from... Buddhist monks... Buddhist fucking monks. To stop the fighting means to stop the internal fighting, with yourself. When someone sits there thinking how the world is pain, that is war. Thoughts won't go away and they don't have the ability to fight them off. Thoughts are everywhere and we must be prepared at all times.

If it were called something like Human Transformation, it might reach out to more people. When a gangbanger loses his grip, or a stressed out single mother is breaking down because life is not offering her anything, do you think they are going to look to "martial arts"? No, I doubt it.

I wish more friends of mine would see that and get involved.

draugen @ 2006-02-17T13:20:00

2006-02-17T18:20:24Z

http://dropitlikeitshoff.com

draugen @ 2006-02-17T09:37:00

2006-02-17T15:25:25Z

"Even when called out by a single foe, Remain on guard, for you are always surrounded by a host of enemies."

"Do not stare into the eyes of your opponent: he may mesmerize you. Do not fix your gaze on his sword: he may intimidate you. Do not focus on your opponent at all: he may absorb your energy. The essence of training is to bring your opponent into your sphere. Then you can stand just where you like."

"Left and right,
Avoid all
Cuts and parries.
Seize your opponents' minds
And scatter them all!"

It was a warm February day...

2006-02-17T00:05:21Z

I went out and took measurements for the zen house's posts. The ground is very much not flat and I would like to keep it that way, so I had to figure how long or short they will need to be. Sometime ago I remember wondering, how am I possibly going to do that?

My jaw is almost back to normal.

There was something else I wanted to write, but it has since escaped my memory.

random links:
Rear view helmet
Helmet display HUD
2 big black guys in an intense fight - I've been analyzing this

draugen @ 2006-02-15T11:30:00

2006-02-15T16:30:58Z

Take anything in the world that is different, what seperates it from another thing. What makes us unique is not just ourselves, but something else that is different from us. Without that thing I would be everything and nothing and have no name to describe me.

I woke up yesterday and my left jaw was sore. It got really sore by last night, and now is still really sore.

The world

2006-02-15T00:12:47Z

When you think of the world, what do you see?

Something like this maybe?

That is not the real world.

This is...

Sword vs. lazy ass

2006-02-12T16:08:06Z

I like swords. They always work. And when something else doesn't they are there to help.

I bought a new alienware laptop and it shuts off on me. So I have paid to test my own components for them, to spend the next few days talking with them and most likely mailing it back to them....after waiting about two weeks, then spending 3 days back and forth trying to get FedEx to understand how to properly deliver a package in a rural community, and waiting in the driveway literally for hours waiting for them.... and for another lesson in tolerance. I think either way I go with this I may end up short. Helping my friend go on his vacation to Florida will not wait any longer. A computer is not worth this much. But this is the cost for a lesson in tolerance I suppose.

Do what you're supposed to, no matter what, and you will make loyal friends instead of enemies. They will be loyal because few do that.

Coconut

2006-02-10T23:45:43Z

I tried using raw coconut oil for conditioner this morning. I'd much rather have something I would eat absorbed into my hair and skin. mmm it smells good. It is still drying.

It has been a few years since I've used any kind of soap on my face. Only water. The oil balance has been much more stable. Not too dry or too oily. I rinse with water maybe once a day, comfortably.

draugen @ 2006-01-24T23:52:00

2006-01-25T04:52:43Z

"A true warrior is invincible
because he or she contests with nothing."